Kids, Writing, and Why I Quit Sleeping

Being a writer is a challenge. We're looking at a literary landscape full of landmines determined to blow your leg off at the first misstep. It's exhausting, there's tons of competition, social media makes advertising too easy creating nothing but noise, and then there's the self publishing/traditional publishing thing, and 'do I need an agent?' and 'how in the hell did that fifty shades woman become famous overnight?' questions and so on and so forth. When you actually make it, it must feel (I imagine) like you just performed the most amazing magic trick ever, but you're completely befuddled at how you did it. The girl is clearly cut in half, but her toes are still wiggling! ​

Now let's get really creative and throw kids into the mix. How do you accomplish the above with kids running around? It's do-able. It's just another part of the magic trick. A magic trick called the home-work-kids-life-balance. Sometimes it'll feel like you're trying to keep a lot of plates spinning while balancing on a ball, while being attacked by the goblins from the Labyrinth.

Did I just add a Labyrinth reference so I could use the above picture? Maybe. On a side note, wishing for the Goblin King to take away your screaming baby does not work. I tested it. 

I have a wife and three kids, three jobs, one cat, a needy dog, and life that I love. I balance everything extremely carefully. I don't generally have hobbies. I haven't touched a video game in a year and a half. I like going to movies but seldom have time and end up watching them later, on my tablet, over the course of three days, in five different parts. I read as much as I can, mostly on the toilet (you all do it, don't act like you don't). But when do I write? Whenever I can. Mostly late at night after the kids are in bed, their lunches are made, I've read with my 5 year old, helped the other two with their homework, hung out with my wife until she falls asleep, and then I bust open the laptop and add however many words I can. 

Is it ideal?  

But I wouldn't change it for the world. The best advice I can give for anyone looking to balance kids and writing is to tell you this "remember what's most important." In a lot of ways, my writing comes last. That's partially a bad procrastination habit but mostly it's because my time with my wife, kids, and family is more important in the end. I plan on living a long time, I'll get all the ideas that rattle around in my head written down and published at some point. I've been published twice and have two more books already signed. I know I can do it. 

The alternative option is to give up sleeping (I sleep 6 hours a night on average). Here are ways you can do this:

• Caffeine! Sure it's probably killing all of us but look how alert it makes us! ​

• Become a vampire. Don't get excited, it's not as cool as it used to be. Now they're all sparkly and shit.

• Become a Time Lord. Sadly, trying to use a blue port-a-potty as a TARDIS is completely ineffective as a time travel device.

• Or you can just quit writing all together?

Yup, never going to happen. Write on, people!